Didn't bake enough kookies this year

I sat here today after walking Wizard and wondered why I wasn’t getting any x-mas gifts this year. 

We were just doing our normal afternoon walk when one of the neighbors which loves Wizard, thinks he is the cutest thing, offered him a whole container of cooked chicken.  Well, he looked at me as if to say, “You turn this down, and I will eat your toes slowly tonight!”  I thanked her for the chicken and took it home.  He then demanded, and yes Bichons can be very demanding underneath all that fluff, to have a piece or two of this wonderful smelling meat in the container.  So, I obligingly gave him two pieces.

The chicken event was over, and all was at peace again.  A knock came at the door from another neighbor who can’t get enough of Wizard.  She brought down two packages: one just for Wizard; and the other for my Mom and me to share.  Well, I can tell you I am just all a flutter wondering what she gave my Mom and I. :(  I decided, being the good mother I am, Wizard didn’t need another present today.  Having an additional present, which more than likely would be something to eat, would just spoil him worse than he is now, which is hard to imagine. Under the little tree it went to save for x-mas. 

Mom has had presents come from people from her church, which now since she is a senior, she is okay.  Before, when she was a single mother raising two children, she was disregarded regularly and had to really beg at times to get help, especially if it meant men coming to her house to help her or do their home teaching.  She was seen as this single woman, divorcé, and possibly a pariah looking for men.  But, like I said, now she is a senior and okay!  It’s okay, she is a senior woman.  It’s all good! 

I know I have my presents for Mom as well.  So, I know she is getting stuff she wanted from me on x-mas. 

I received one present from my friend here in ‘Vegas.  It is lovely, and I will always treasure it. 

What I am realizing here is I am a bit saddened this year as I am not giving a lot (don’t have a lot to give) and am not getting a lot (as those I know and love don’t have a lot to give either).  I guess I am feeling the “Holiday Blues” and not the kind B.B. King sings either. 

Last year I had my CASA family and my two CASA girls, so there was a lot of x-mas activity and giving going on.  I was taking one of the girls to different places to shop for her x-mas trip to meet her Great Aunt, and to other x-mas events.  She had a x-mas festival my supervisor and I attended which was very nice.  Her sister had a x-mas party in the place she was, and I was able to give her presents as well.  I had the girls get together and sing x-mas carols before the older one went on her trip. 

I was also able to arrange some x-mas giving for my CASA family and it was a real happy time as they were all together.  At the party where I took my older CASA girl, there were so many kids and so much happiness of all the children it was just magical.  This year I have not been physically able to be an active CASA or be involved in the CASA events. 

Throughout the years I have also not been one to keep up with giving out cards, as my Mom does so faithfully.  Many of the people which move away from me, I don’t really want to keep communication with anyway.  So, I do have friends though now which are spread all over the place: from Georgia, Texas, Michigan, Alaska, Afghanistan, and even India; only one friend here, who has her own very full life.  My sister does not live her, nor does her son.  So our family get together is made up of Mom, me, and all the other creatures of the house.

I learned from my friend here in ‘Vegas we must establish boundaries of what is healthy for us: some people are just not good for us; if we don’t have to associate with them, then we should choose to have them in our lives.  They can and will damage our energy and our life choices and out comes.  

I ponder now as x-mas nears; oh it is so close, have I cut off nose to spite my face?  Seriously, the people I don’t talk to who have moved away are people in which we have both made a conscious choice not to talk with the other, for whatever reason.  I dated a lot of guys here, but never stayed in contact with them. Am I sitting here in this blue funk because of closing myself off to too many people, or because someone changed the light bulb on me?

Do I not have any kookies coming my way because I haven’t been baking and sending kookies out?

Re-baked kookies

Well, we can have re-fried bean, twice baked squash, so why can't we have re-baked kookies?

After some time of non communication, I thought I had lost a very true and wonderful friend.  There wasn't an argument or disagreement, it appeared to me we had just drifted in different ways.  Then a few weeks ago I heard from her via email.  She needed some help in working with a bank and with legal papers to save her home.  I told her I knew nothing of what she was talking about and felt there was no real way I could help her.  She asked me again, explaining more of what was going on with her situation: I still felt I couldn't help her at all.  Then there was nothing.  I felt she had decided I was of no use to her anymore if I couldn't help her in this area, and we really had nothing left for each other. 

Last week, out of no where, she emailed me again, just wanting to chat.  Being the honest person I am, the "Idealist-healer" as one book states (see my LinkedIn Page for more information on Please Understand Me II), I told her how I felt that we had just drifted apart. 
She wrote back immediately, which is quicker than she ever did before, and told me we were never going to not be friends.  She told me she depended on me and my honesty and she had no friend like me.  We then arranged for lunch for the upcoming Wednesday. 

We had a wonderful lunch.  We talked of all we had been going through, our lives, our lives with others, and just talked until she almost missed the time to pick up her kids.  It was wonderful! I needed this more than she will ever know, and I hope I did her some good as well.

Her friendship throughout the years, and I think we are talking about 25 years now, has been wonderful.  We have never argued, we disagree on certain things, but we keep those topics at bay.  We respect each other's decisions and beliefs, and love each other for who we are right now, right here.  So, her friendship all those many years ago was a karma kookie to me, and today it was re-baked and offered to me again, thus the re-baked karma kookie. 

No matter where I end up: France, Texas, or Ireland; or where she ends up, possibly Spain, we will always love and care for one another.  The saying is true: There is always someone out there thinking of you right this minute. 

Thank you my friend.

A Bouquet of kookies

Yesterday was my birthday, and yes, I will tell you I turned 48.  Ahhh!  Yeah, it scares me too. 

I am in the final two weeks of my two Ph.D. courses for this quarter, and struggling hard with projects which are due now.  In fact, the whole day yesterday was spent trying to finalize a draft to the 'paper from hell' wherein I still have some touch up to do today, and the conclusion.  Yesterday was devoted solely to this paper, and the theories therein. 

I am not 16 anymore, in fact my 16th birthday was kind of sucky anyway, so let's not go there.  The point is, I wasn't all jittery excited about my birthday.  In fact, my Mom was showing me what she would like for her birthday long before I even thought about mine. This is highly unusual for me, because I am usually really upbeat and somewhat excited about my birthday, depending on if I am dating at the time or not and the financial climate.  This year I am not dating, and the financial climate calls for more hurricanes, tornadoes, and droughts.

I finally told Mom a couple of things I would like, one being some horses of the Pretty Pony collection which I have wanted for some time to add to my small but pretty collection, and the other was a book on the life of Lana Turner.  I am not sure why Lana Turner seems so important I should read a book about her life, but I remember asking for the TCM book on her last year.  So, I asked for the book again this year, thinking there should be a used one on Amazon by now. 
Mom received a couple of things in the mail, and was acting all secretive about them, so I knew she was excited and they were for my birthday.  The night before, she wrapped a box and left it out where I usually place the computer for her in the morning.  I don't know if she wanted me to open it early or not, as I had a particularly challenging day-before-my-birthday.  I didn't.  I even put a note on the computer the morning of, and told her I didn't want to open the present until we were both awake and could enjoy it together. 
When I got up later, I did open with her, and it held items which were cool.  There was a book on Lana Turner, but it was an autobiography, and Mom felt this would be better, as autobiographies usually are better than tidbits others gather and then write about an important person.  I know I plan to have an autobiography of myself completed at bookstores everywhere! The other item was a mistake: it was supposed to be a movie on the life of Lana but was instead about Bette Davis.  No offense Ms. Davis, but I never really dug you in the movies, so I wasn't interested in the DVD.  Mom is sending it back, as she ordered one on Lana, so the DVD company must have made a...boo boo!  I am looking forward to reading the book on my 3 week break, should I actually get one.

The other kookies I received yesterday were numerous and inspiring to me.  I feel so cut off from the world anymore, as my Lupus and fibro mostly have become harder and harder to deal with each day.  The knees and ankle are really beginning to limit most everything I do.  A day for me is ending up with me mostly in my room, reading or writing on school work, taking very short walks with the dog, and playing or petting the animals in my room.  I feel I have become home bound definitely, and almost bed bound.  Thus, I haven't been getting out to visit with people, and I even had one friend who lives here locally who has kind of signed off for a while, I hope just for a while.  I am sure she is tired of even knowing about my issues, even if I don't say anything, and with her busy life, I am very easy to put off to the side.

I have just made a new friend through the Capella Disability group, and he is great!  He is very supportive, truthful, and a survivor.  When he told me last night what he had gone through to bring him to where he is now, I felt awful for even complaining or mentioning any of my aches or pains.  He is very strong.  This man, without ever having met me, made my day so wonderful through the use of technology, and he actually started the night before my birthday. 
He sent me numerous, but not too many, ecards, each with a very personal message, some funny and some a little more serious about how he perceives me.  Each and every one of them was wonderful and welcomed.  He also chatted with me throughout the day, keeping my spirits up, as he knew I was spending this celebratory day doing the draft of my paper.  He truly made my day, and kept my spirits up so I could do what needed to be done.  I worked until close to 10:00 p.m. on the paper, and bless his heart, he was up almost that long.  He usually doesn't stay awake that long as it is hard on him, but I have the feeling he did it for me.  What a wonderful person to have in my life.

Later in the day, I took a break and checked my other email account.  There were tons of notifications of postings to my Face Book wall.  I went to my Face Book wall, and found many people, from old high school buddies, to friends with whom I have chatted on Face Book, but never met, had sent me wishes for my birthday.  One may say it is no big deal, all they have to do is see in the corner it is my birthday, and then drop a one liner saying happy birthday, but it is a big deal to one who cannot leave the house very often and does not talk on the phone due to the fear of using up valuable minutes. 

At the end of the day, I must have had over 30 wishes for my birthday.  I made sure I thanked each one separately, and they all deserved a hug. 

It was as if I had received a great big kookie bouquet from one of those fancy stores, but without the calories.  Wonderful indeed.  Thanks again to all who made my birthday calm, peaceful, and gave me a sense of not being all alone in this small room, but part of the larger world. 

the making of a kookie...

This morning, as I walked the dog, I witnessed the Sheriff serving one of my neighbors.  I am not sure what he served them, but I do know the neighbor has been having some very hard times.  Their spouse was recently put in a nursing home, and I am not sure what this did to the income for the household, or how the spouse living in the apartment is handling the stress.  They used to walk their dog about the same time I walked mine in the morning, but I haven't seen them for some time, and my dog doesn't act like he hears them anymore.  Perhaps they walk the back part of the apartments now. 

So, this is not really a kookie, but more of a reminder of my circumstances.  I may feel like things are closing in on me with school, my health, and finances, but obviously this neighbor is going through way more than me.  Perhaps this is one of the ingredients needed to make a karma kookie for someone else. 

Today's little Kookie

A team member for one of my CASA kids is visiting them this week.  The team member sent me pictures of the child, knowing how long it had been since I had seen this child.  They are also bringing me back a picture the child drew for me.  I took some of the pictures, cropped them, and made them just look better, then printed them out.  I stuck them in a photo book I am sending the sibling, since they are not together.  It is good all 'round.  I felt good being able to see the child; being able to know someone else was out there who cared as much as I did about this child; and being able to share the photos with the sibling is all too cool! 

It was a peanut butter fork pressed kookie for me!

Introduction: What is a karma kookie?

Thanks for checking this blog out!  Welcome, and this site is intended to be a learning and sharing site, no gripping or bashing here.  We will explore life, and all its many intricacies.

A karma kookie is what one gets back for deeds they have done in the past.  They can be soooo good, like grandma's homemade chocolate chip cookies, or a Starbucks peanut butter cookie, or...they can be filled with rotten nuts, made from old chocolate chips, or simply be burnt.  The choice is always yours.

When one does a good deed, or is just kind in a small instance during the long 24 hour day, there will be a karma kookies somewhere in the future.  The same goes for doing something negative, like cutting someone off in traffic, or seeing someone could use some assistance at the grocery store yet ignoring the person, as you don't want to get involved.  There will be a kookie for you too.  We have the power to determine if we are going to get well loved, favorite, kookies, or burnt, rotten, kookies.  

I am 48 this year, and I have seen enough in this short life to know this is true.  I have seen people who were kind at the store, and then when they get to ring out their articles, suddenly they find one was on sale which was not marked.  Surprise!  A karma kookie immediately.  But, sometimes they are not immediate, and sometimes they are made over time, until we have a plateful, which we can then pass around to others to share.  Some come in slowly, as they take longer to bake.  

I have also witnessed individuals who were rude or ignorant of someone else's need, and then learned of their burnt karma kookie coming to them in the form of an accident, a disagreement with someone dear to them, or loss of money. It goes both ways, and it is simple common sense, not magical thinking, or a religion. 

If you have an outward appearance of helping people, even small gestures, your inner appearance will shine as a kind person.  People see this! It is the "first impression" we give people.  Whether we are aware of it or not, it is there.

Have you ever met someone who looked well groomed, handsome or pretty, on the outside, but just didn't care for them?  This is the "first impression" working.  If you don't care for the person, then most likely you are a kind person, and you don't see this in the individual. The opposite is true as well, thieves know thieves, or the old story of a "band of thieves" hiding out together: people who are unkind, looking out for only themselves are attracted to people like them.  If they meet a kind person, their first thought is what can they get from this person, and if they find the person without anything they can take to make them richer or more powerful, then they have no need for the kind person.

Think about this, and share your karma kookie experiences, whether personal or witnessed.  

Share them in the comments area, or on the Facebook page, or Twitter.

Go out and grab some good karma kookies  for yourself!  

Diggin' for kookies!