Didn't bake enough kookies this year

I sat here today after walking Wizard and wondered why I wasn’t getting any x-mas gifts this year. 

We were just doing our normal afternoon walk when one of the neighbors which loves Wizard, thinks he is the cutest thing, offered him a whole container of cooked chicken.  Well, he looked at me as if to say, “You turn this down, and I will eat your toes slowly tonight!”  I thanked her for the chicken and took it home.  He then demanded, and yes Bichons can be very demanding underneath all that fluff, to have a piece or two of this wonderful smelling meat in the container.  So, I obligingly gave him two pieces.

The chicken event was over, and all was at peace again.  A knock came at the door from another neighbor who can’t get enough of Wizard.  She brought down two packages: one just for Wizard; and the other for my Mom and me to share.  Well, I can tell you I am just all a flutter wondering what she gave my Mom and I. :(  I decided, being the good mother I am, Wizard didn’t need another present today.  Having an additional present, which more than likely would be something to eat, would just spoil him worse than he is now, which is hard to imagine. Under the little tree it went to save for x-mas. 

Mom has had presents come from people from her church, which now since she is a senior, she is okay.  Before, when she was a single mother raising two children, she was disregarded regularly and had to really beg at times to get help, especially if it meant men coming to her house to help her or do their home teaching.  She was seen as this single woman, divorcé, and possibly a pariah looking for men.  But, like I said, now she is a senior and okay!  It’s okay, she is a senior woman.  It’s all good! 

I know I have my presents for Mom as well.  So, I know she is getting stuff she wanted from me on x-mas. 

I received one present from my friend here in ‘Vegas.  It is lovely, and I will always treasure it. 

What I am realizing here is I am a bit saddened this year as I am not giving a lot (don’t have a lot to give) and am not getting a lot (as those I know and love don’t have a lot to give either).  I guess I am feeling the “Holiday Blues” and not the kind B.B. King sings either. 

Last year I had my CASA family and my two CASA girls, so there was a lot of x-mas activity and giving going on.  I was taking one of the girls to different places to shop for her x-mas trip to meet her Great Aunt, and to other x-mas events.  She had a x-mas festival my supervisor and I attended which was very nice.  Her sister had a x-mas party in the place she was, and I was able to give her presents as well.  I had the girls get together and sing x-mas carols before the older one went on her trip. 

I was also able to arrange some x-mas giving for my CASA family and it was a real happy time as they were all together.  At the party where I took my older CASA girl, there were so many kids and so much happiness of all the children it was just magical.  This year I have not been physically able to be an active CASA or be involved in the CASA events. 

Throughout the years I have also not been one to keep up with giving out cards, as my Mom does so faithfully.  Many of the people which move away from me, I don’t really want to keep communication with anyway.  So, I do have friends though now which are spread all over the place: from Georgia, Texas, Michigan, Alaska, Afghanistan, and even India; only one friend here, who has her own very full life.  My sister does not live her, nor does her son.  So our family get together is made up of Mom, me, and all the other creatures of the house.

I learned from my friend here in ‘Vegas we must establish boundaries of what is healthy for us: some people are just not good for us; if we don’t have to associate with them, then we should choose to have them in our lives.  They can and will damage our energy and our life choices and out comes.  

I ponder now as x-mas nears; oh it is so close, have I cut off nose to spite my face?  Seriously, the people I don’t talk to who have moved away are people in which we have both made a conscious choice not to talk with the other, for whatever reason.  I dated a lot of guys here, but never stayed in contact with them. Am I sitting here in this blue funk because of closing myself off to too many people, or because someone changed the light bulb on me?

Do I not have any kookies coming my way because I haven’t been baking and sending kookies out?

Re-baked kookies

Well, we can have re-fried bean, twice baked squash, so why can't we have re-baked kookies?

After some time of non communication, I thought I had lost a very true and wonderful friend.  There wasn't an argument or disagreement, it appeared to me we had just drifted in different ways.  Then a few weeks ago I heard from her via email.  She needed some help in working with a bank and with legal papers to save her home.  I told her I knew nothing of what she was talking about and felt there was no real way I could help her.  She asked me again, explaining more of what was going on with her situation: I still felt I couldn't help her at all.  Then there was nothing.  I felt she had decided I was of no use to her anymore if I couldn't help her in this area, and we really had nothing left for each other. 

Last week, out of no where, she emailed me again, just wanting to chat.  Being the honest person I am, the "Idealist-healer" as one book states (see my LinkedIn Page for more information on Please Understand Me II), I told her how I felt that we had just drifted apart. 
She wrote back immediately, which is quicker than she ever did before, and told me we were never going to not be friends.  She told me she depended on me and my honesty and she had no friend like me.  We then arranged for lunch for the upcoming Wednesday. 

We had a wonderful lunch.  We talked of all we had been going through, our lives, our lives with others, and just talked until she almost missed the time to pick up her kids.  It was wonderful! I needed this more than she will ever know, and I hope I did her some good as well.

Her friendship throughout the years, and I think we are talking about 25 years now, has been wonderful.  We have never argued, we disagree on certain things, but we keep those topics at bay.  We respect each other's decisions and beliefs, and love each other for who we are right now, right here.  So, her friendship all those many years ago was a karma kookie to me, and today it was re-baked and offered to me again, thus the re-baked karma kookie. 

No matter where I end up: France, Texas, or Ireland; or where she ends up, possibly Spain, we will always love and care for one another.  The saying is true: There is always someone out there thinking of you right this minute. 

Thank you my friend.